Ended a really good friendship.

It's for the best.

Yesterday was the start of my classes for the year. It's just Japanese IV and a bunch of art foundation classes. I hate how I'm behind on my major and taking these really simple classes, but I guess that's how the ball rolls I guess. At least I like them for the most part.

As a continuation of my last post, I don't think I would enjoy the start of my year that much. I feel like the winter break brought out the small kinks in myself and magnified them like a million times bigger than they really are. It won't be fun working with the internal issues, but I'll pull through. I always pull through.

At least I hope so.

Oh, and got my haircut.

This year I had a very low-key Christmas with my family. It was relaxing to both the mind and body. To escape the chaos of school, work, and community service for a couple of weeks is any college student's dream, I would think.

I was never big on celebrating the holidays because it had never been a "special" thing to me. I get the good feeling when spending time with friends and family, but there isn't that added Christmas bonus, or the new year buzz. This might make me a square, but I try not to be. I put effort in finding what people saw in this time of year, the joys and the happiness but I can't help but focus more on the depression, on the loneliness and absences of things. I see 2010 not as a new beginning but as a deadline, a deadline to get what has been bottling up over the course of the year out of my system, off of my chest, clear off of my slate.

To be honest, this feeling truly does suck. For those who know me well enough, I'm rarely (if at all) ever quiet or "depressed". But it's not because I'm dreading over how 2009 was horrid, it wasn't. 2009 was when I was at my best. I've accomplished so much and learned so much about my own self and being that is has certainly exceeded my expectations when I vowed to make it better than 2008. I guess I'm caught in the empty feeling that I could've done more with my year. I could've done better in school, I could've kept up with existing friendships, I could've gotten the guy I've been crushing on, I could've done more with myself.

It's weird.

I wish I had the answer myself.




In other words, I really wish hope everyone has a great ending to your year. I rarely rant, but I hope this hasn't really put anyone in a down mood, haha. I sincerely wish that you find new goals and new motivation in the new year, and just know that 2010 hasn't happened yet. Just remind yourself of this by using tomorrow as a guide.

With much love.

Stop hating on Daesung. I personally believe that he's fucking adorable, and ya just jealous on how ya can't get ass like that.

Don't let me bring out my hood out again.

This morning was absolutely fucking ridiculous. Let's start with how I stayed up not-so-late just to wake up at 11:00. Exactly at 11:00. When my damn class STARTED. Oh, and to add, I had a major exam starting at-oh, yeah-11:00. Seriously. Fuck me. (Ironically, I stayed up late just to study for that shit)

I didn't even shower, since I showered before I started to hit the books, and I was catching. Every. Single. Red. Light. And in Tallahassee, these fucking red lights were 10 feet apart from each other. Also the fact that it was raining and a fucking asshole braked so quick, I swerved into the grass on the side. I swear to fucking Jesus Christ if I had a shotgun on me, he would've been through.

Anyway, I made it 30 minutes late. I wasn't allowed to make up the questions that I missed on the PowerPoint, which sucked because it was half my exam. But whatever.

Yes, this is my bitching moment.

After that, I skipped the entire day that consisted of 3 other classes and took a nap.






I just woke up.

"Satou Kenken"

I never even heard of him.






EDIT

Holy shit, he's actually cute.

長い間待たせてごめんね。

How ya be changing ya usernames? D: